The Courage of the Principled Parent

I have just started the book Making Gay Okay: How Rationalizing Homosexual Behavior is Changing Everything, by Robert Reilly. I’m only in Chapter 1, The Culture War, so it’s too early in the book to do a full “review” of it. But there are a couple of sentences that remind me how courageous you EnCourage parents are. Reilly is speaking here about the trend to define homosexuality in terms of rights.

Former vice president Dick Cheney’s public endorsement of same-sex “marriage” on behalf of his lesbian daughter is typical. He said: “I think that freedom means freedom for everyone….I think people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish…”

Those of us who know that homosexual “marriage” can’t by its very nature exist, and therefore ought not be codified into law, are often called haters and bigots. A label which is unfair, I always thought. But when I reflect on the turnaround that Dick Cheney, along with a number of other prominent politicians, had on this issue, I really have to wonder. How is it that one can so drastically change his stance on such a fundamental issue? What are we to think when this kind of thing happens?

Was Dick Cheney only against redefining marriage when he thought it was other people’s kids doing it? Suddenly when it was his own kid, well then, it’s okay? Does that mean that he never really thought the issue through in the first place? Was there no guiding principle backing his position? Did he not look at marriage, and its reason for being, and recognize that it exists solely to keep a mom and dad together with whatever children they create together?

Was he just aligning himself with his party, and just didn’t care either way? If that is the case, how then was that not hateful to take that position? Is the other side right about some of our motivations? Don’t we really have to look at ourselves a little closer when we see this kind of thing happen?

Because if it was a principled position, how then can he change it, just because his daughter wants to have the right to marry a woman? I mean, the whole point of principles is that you thoroughly look at what is at stake before it impacts you personally, and evaluate it according to your moral code, which if it truly is a moral code, should not change. Then, with the principle in place, it gets applied to everybody, even your own family. So, huh?

I’m not meaning to belabor the Dick Cheney decision so much; it’s old news. It’s only on my mind because of the book.

The real point that I would like to make is the incredible courage it takes to be an EnCourage parent. Because EnCourage parents are faced with the identical situation that Cheney encountered. This political hot-potato issue has landed right in your own homes. And yet, you choose to align your actions with your principles, based on the moral code that God has given us. It is difficult to do. Your kids do not understand how you could be against their happiness. How you could want to deprive them of their “civil rights.”

Homosexuality and the redefinition of marriage are issues that can and will tear families apart. They can pit daughter against father, father against mother, mother against son. Not because the parent who stands by his or her principles doesn’t love the child. Remarkably, it is because the parent does love the child so much, that he or she ultimately wants, not necessarily happiness for son or daughter, but eternal happiness.

EnCourage parents want for their kids to be upright and happy. But if a choice has to be made between doing the right thing and being happy, the good parent wants the child to do right. Sadly, in this world of moral relativism, muddled logic and don’t-judge-me mentality, the result is often a break in relations.

I cannot imagine the pain you feel, each time your child throws that “You don’t love me” demand in your face. The one that says if you love me, you will agree with me. This is a very divisive issue, and I pray for continued grace, wisdom and strength for you. And I admire your commitment to God’s loving plan for human sexuality. Thank you. God bless you.


Filed under EnCourage, Parenthood

2 Responses to The Courage of the Principled Parent

  1. Sonia

    Having recently faced this situation,when my daughter married her partner and we did not attend, I can honestly say how difficult it is to show your children unconditional love but not unconditional support. And that applies to explaining your decision to their hurt siblings too. “

  2. Mom

    It continues…we did not attend our daughter’s ‘marriage’. My son and his wife did. It was painful to receive pictures of our young grandsons looking at two women dancing at their “wedding” reception. My daughter in law’s parents attended. My brother in law wrote to my husband that they were happy to host my daughter’s civil wedding in their state and that they did not understand our family dynamics: “Our daughter and her partner are wonderful” Yes, they are! Does he not think that we agree….because we do not condone?
    My daughter and friend, in caring professions, can be generous and kind. They can also be demanding and angry if you do not condone their behavior. It takes courage to speak the truth in love. It is discouraging to see truth labeled as hate. They have “rights”. If you do not agree they become angry. We love all the goodness of these young women.

    When you invite them to your home or on vacation, they ask if they will have separate bedrooms (yes). The will not come.

    We are shunned by our family. When my daughter was visiting, a relative invited her and friend to dinner and told me she did not want me or my husband to attend.

    This is our cross to bear. I used to think that He chose the wrong one for me!
    But it is the right size. I had always helped other families and children. The school team provided interventions/help for many family problems. How PROUD we were. How humble we are becoming!
    We are offering our suffering for others that we may serve Him. We are being purified.
    It is now our time to trust Him. It is our time to grow in holiness and humility by prayer, by growing closer to Him. Our children may be OUR salvation. We see what we never saw in ourselves….and ask forgiveness. We hand our children over to Him and pray that He places good people in their lives. We pray that we become more Christ like and forgive those who continue to shun us.
    He knows what He is about!

    Remember St. Monica. Remember my friend who prayed for her addicted daughter who is coming come. Remember Christopher Yuan and his parents. His mother prayed on her knees for years. (Their book: Under A Far Country.) They all drew close to Christ and He did the rest. Our children are His children.

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